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优秀作文(2)  

2010-06-30 10:07:31|  分类: 学生作品篇 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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优秀作文(2

1. One day, a boy walked on the road. He went home. Suddenly, he saw a frog on the grass. He was happy very much(应为He was very happy), and ran there. He thought, “I can take this frog and go home!” He caught the frog and want(应为went) home. An old man walked slowly. He saw the boy take the frog and went(应为go,既然用and连接,表明两个动词是并列的,所以see sb. do sth. See对take和go都要发挥作用) home. He walked there and spoke(从语境上来说,最好是用said), “Don’t catch frogs. Frogs are our friends. They can help us catch pests. Put the frog on the grass, please.” The boy heard. His face turned red. He saw the frog. He ran to the grass and put the frog on the grass. He spoke(said), “Frog, go home.” The old man saw the boy put the frog, smiled and said, “Oh, you are a good boy, go home! Bye, bye!” The boy is(应为was) happy again, and said, “Thank you very much. Thank you for telling me the frog(应为frogs) are our friends. Bye, bye.”

From the story, I think, frogs are our friends, so we cann’t(应为can’t) hurt them!

---胡艺译

---句型变化比较丰富,进步较多,值得鼓励。

 

2. Yesterday, Xiaoqiang went home after class. Suddenly, he saw a frog. The frog was big and green and it was nice. Xiaoqiang walked to it and caught it. Xiaoqiang used a lot of strength(注意拼写) to catch it. The frog said, “Help, help! ” Xiaoqiang was very happy with the frog in the hand and went home. An old man went home, too. He went home with a walking stick. The old man saw Xiaoqiang. Xiaoqiang was as happy as a lark(是句谚语,虽然不会写,但能想到这样的表达方式也很好). The old man walked to Xiaoqiang and saw the(丢了冠词) frog on(应为in,上面已经用到in) Xiaoqiang’s hand. The old man said, “Don’t catch frog(应为frogs). They are people’s friends. They can eat pests. We should save their(应为宾语,them). You should put the frog to the nature(如the sun, the sky, the moon,nature前面要加冠词the).” Xiaoqiang heard and his face was turn red(要么 was red,要么 turned red) and said, “Oh, I know.” Xiaoqiang put the frog on the grass and it jumped and said, “Thank you!” The old man smiled and said to Xiaoqiang, “You are a good boy!” Xiaoqiang was very happy. Because he knew, animals are people’s friends.

---王浩楷

---遣词造句很丰富,比较新颖,思维角度比较独特。

 

3. One day, a boy walked on the road. He saw a frog. He was happy. He caught the frog. Then, an old man saw the boy catch the frog. He was very angry. He said to the boy, “Frogs are our friends. Please can’t(应为don’t) catch them. They can eat pests.” The boy was very sad. His(句号之后,第一个单词首字母记得大写) face was red, and said to the old man, “Sorry! I didn’t know frogs can eat pests. I’m going to put the frog on the grass.” He put the frog on the grass. The old man smiled. He thought, “He is a good boy.”

From the story, I know, frogs are our good friends. We can’t catch them.

---王萱妮

---作文虽然简短,但是时态用得很精确,好就好在能在一般现在时、过去时和一般将来时之间灵活切换而不会乱套。

 

4. One day, Xiaoming walked home after class. When he was walking in a rice field, he saw a frog. He wanted to had(应为have) a fun, so he catched(应为caught) it. The frog shouted quickly. Xiaoming laughed. Suddenly, an old man came and said, “Oh, don’t catch frogs!” Xiaoming said, “Why?” The old man said, “Frogs are our friends. A frog can catch 800 pests during a summer. If there is no frog, pests will eat our food.” Xiaoming’s face turned red. He put the frog on the ground. The frog shouted happily. The old man smiled and said, “You are a good boy!” Xiaoming was very happy, too.

---李欣哲

---每次作文都写得很棒,基本上都很少出现错误,想象力丰富,还能用到科学知识。因为基本功扎实,所以才能在此基础上发挥更好的想象。

 

5. One day, a boy was walking on the road. Suddenly, a frog jumped onto the road. The boy looked at it. He was very happy. He put the frog in his hand, and he thought, “Today I catch the frog. I want to cook it. Oh!That will be tasty!” He walked home, and he said, “Today is my lucky day, because I have caught a frog.” At that time, his grandfather walked to him. Grandfather saw the frog. He was angry and he said to the boy, “Oh! My grandson! You can’t catch the frog! The frog is our helper. It can catch pests and eat them.” The boy listened to his grandfather’s words. He knew, and his face became very red. He walked back, and he put the frog back to the rice field. He was happier, and he smiled.

The frogs are our helpers, so we can’t catch them and hurt them.

---诸葛思源

---好句子很多,如果都能每个都把握好用法并灵活运用就更好了。

 

6. One day, Xiaoming had finished lunch. He walked on the grass. Suddenly, he saw a frog, and caught the frog. A(应为an,因为old第一个音标是元音) old man came to him. He saw Xiaoming catch the frog. He said to Xiaoming, “You shouldn’t catch the frog. Frogs are our friends. They can eat a lot of pest(应为pests).” Xiaoming’s face turned red. He said, “Thank you. I know what should I do.” Then he put the frog on the grass. It jumped to another grass and disappeared(注意拼写). The man smiled. He said to the boy, “You are a good boy.” Xiaoming was happy, because he knew frogs are people’s friends.

---赵宇轩

---作文内容、遣词造句上有进步,但是字迹依然不太清晰,书面不太整洁。 

 

7. One day, Xiaoming walked on his way home. He was near the rice field. Suddenly(注意拼写), he saw a frog in it. “How lovely it is!” Xiaoming thought. So, he walked to the frog. He looked at it for(不能丢了for,因为后面跟的是时间段) some time. Then, he caught that frog. He was very happy. But that frog wasn’t. At that time, a(应为an) old man came. He looked at Xiaoming, and said, “What are you doing? Do you know the frog is people’s friend? It can eat a lot of pests. So you can’t catch it.” Xiaoming’s face turned red. He put the frog onto the(丢了冠词) rice field. That old man smiled. He said, “Good boy!” They were very happy.

From the story, we know, we can’t hurt frogs.

---金戈

---虽然创作过程中语法会乱,但是思维比较活跃,希望打好基础并在此基础上发散思维、灵活运用。

 

 

★ 1.划线的都是好句子,值得表扬。.

2.希望同学在用标点符号时,句号是句号,逗号是逗号,不要乱点,还要注意逗号后面是否要加 “连词”,如and,but,because,although等连接上下文。

以及注意逗号和句号之后,第一个单词首字母的大小写问题

3. 语法还是错的最多的,始终会出现be动词和动词连用的情况,如he was caught the frog,希望同学们注意注意再注意。

4.总体上比上一次又有进步,值得鼓励。

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